Live Boldly Continued…

Recently I had a conversation about rough neighborhoods. Yes, this is random but we were talking about why Christian's don't move into the "rough" areas in town. As Christian's, we are called to be the Light. To be His Light. 

Think of dark areas in your town. Is someone carrying/living the Light in that area? If we can't think of anyone, why aren't we? Why don't we carry the Light in the dark places of town? Fear, rejection, failure? In believing these lies are we not in turn saying to God "You're not powerful enough"? We think "It's too dangerous, they are too lost, they will not listen." Our job is to do what He has asked us to do, not question it. If He has called us to proclaim the Gospel to everyone, why are we not going to the areas that might be considered "rough"? 

I feel like us, as Christian's, tend to get comfortable in our own little neighborhoods and forget the ones who are lost and dying in those "rough" areas. Christian community is important and I completely understand that. We need that to encourage and build each other up. Yet, we get too comfortable in our community. We forget to be the Light in the darkness because we are too scared to go there. 

When I was in South Africa I remember going to see the squatter camps. I felt my heart break into for those people. My first thought was "How can I help?" My second thought was "It has to be very dangerous there." I went from one extreme to another. How can I help, what can I do, use me Lord, to I'm scared, how will I make a difference, what use is one person? Oh, how we have missed the mark. Jesus tells us it may be dangerous, it may be hard, it may be sacrificial. In knowing all of these things and also knowing how BIG and Powerful our God is, why do we not dive head first in faith and say OK, let's do this Jesus? 

Live Boldly...

It's 1:05am and my mind is racing. Jesus is teaching me new things and I feel the need to share. Having Grassroots coffee at 7:50pm probably wasn't the best idea, but hey, if I didn't drink it, I wouldn't be up writing this to you. 

Why do we not live dangerously. Don't misinterpret what I'm saying here. Why do we not live knowing our God is strong in us? Do you hear me? There is a HUGE "we" in this because He is teaching ME this now. I was listening to a song tonight by Bethel Music called Strong In Us. Here are a few of the lyrics:

"He is the Risen One, the same Power that raised Him up is the same Power that lives in us."

Think about this. Dwell on this. The same Power that raised Jesus up from the dead is the same Power we have inside US. He is in US. He is strong in US. 

I am quick to put limitations on God. I am quick to not give Him enough credit in His Power. I am quick to humanize (is that a word?) Him to where I hinder myself from the things He wants to do through me. He has such amazing plans for US. His plans are HUGE. I feel sometimes we don't dream big enough, pray big enough or love big enough. All of these things we are capable of doing because He is in US. I feel as if I am being repetitive but guys are we really grasping this concept? Maybe it's just me finding all this out for the first time. Or finally listening to what He has been saying to me for a while.

I have a hard time stopping and listening to Jesus. I avoid Him at times because I am too afraid of the GRAND things He has for me. Yes, this does sound crazy. I am scared of what GREAT things the Lord has for me. Lies race through my head. Will I fail? Will I stray from what He wants me to do? Will I not be good enough in the task. These are all lies. It's not the "I's" I should be focusing on. He will not fail. He will not stray. He is better than good enough. When will I realize all of these doubts and limitations I am putting on myself, I am also putting on the Lord. He is fully capable of doing anything He wants. And He wants to use me!

In my bible study Beth Moore says this:

"Beloved, Satan is a liar! (Can I get an amen). He knows if you and I take this thing about God's love seriously, we might become a John or Paul in our generation. Oh, let's glorify God, spite the devil, and do it! It's not too late. Take your pulse. If your heart is still beating, it's worth healing. Here's the catch, however: God's method of healing a condemning heart is to love it to death…then create in us a new heart. A healthier heart. A heart filled with faith instead of fear. His perfect love the only thing that will drive out that fear of ours." 

In reading this we should ask the Lord to "create in us a new heart". He has the power to fully restore us. Why don't we let Him? He has the power to fill our hearts with faith instead of fear. Why are we hindering Him of this? 

Saying "See ya later"…

As most of you have noticed, I am back on US soil. I arrived in Atlanta January 17th. It was so crazy for me to think I had just left Africa the day before and I was in the US the day after. I could say "Yesterday, in Africa…." It was strange to me. So in saying that let me talk about January 16th.

The day came. The day that I had been excited for as well as dreaded. I woke up early, got all of my stuff together and ready to load in the van. Who am I kidding, I loaded it in the van right when my stuff was packed. I spent a lot of time that morning reflecting, listening and talking to Jesus. I heard the toddlers screaming and crying thinking I was actually going to miss that noise. I reflected on my times there, good, great and awesome. I thought about the babies and toddlers individually. I thought about their personalities and how Jesus had rescued them. I believe He rescued them for something great He has for them, now and the future. Each and every child there has a story of physical rescuing and I pray that later in their life they will learn of spiritual rescuing. 

As I went upstairs to say my goodbyes I hugged and kissed each baby thinking in my head, "I will never see this face again because I know Jesus has a family for you". My heart was so full of peace and contentment. Praising the Lord for allowing me to love on His little ones for a small amount of time. I know the Lord has big plans for each of His children. I just feel a little biased to think He has something extremely big for the babies who leave Door of Hope. These sweet angels are loved more and cared for with Love and Concern that only comes from Jesus. Jesus pours out of every volunteer, Auntie and Staff. These babies know Jesus the instant they are brought to the Door of Hope. They encounter Him everyday through the people who work there. I'm honored to have been apart of that. 

Leaving my sweet Boo Bear was the hardest. (No his name isn't Boo Bear, I just called him that. Plus, I can't tell you his real name for his safety) Naturally volunteers get attached to one baby. It just happens. You don't expect it to happen and then BAM instant love for one individual baby that is just a little different than the others. I didn't choose Boo Bear, he chose me. At the time I had already had a favorite baby girl working in Big Babies. I was switched to Small Babies and little did I know my sweet Boo Bear would arrive from the hospital that day. He was coming back from having some complications so I didn't get to know him when I first came because he had been in the hospital. At the end of the day, all the babies were sleeping and I hear cooing from his crib. I walk over, lean down and say "Boy! What are you doing? You're supposed to be sleeping like your friends!" He looked at me with seriousness in his eyes (like he was processing what I was saying) and just smiled the biggest smile at me. Glory Glory. I am certain there was a choir behind me singing. My heart melted and then and there I feel in love with a baby boy who would only know me for a few months. I'm grateful Jesus gave me time with Boo Bear so that I can get a small glimpse of a mother's love. He allowed me to experience the one thing I want more than anything in life and that is to be a mommy. I know when I have my own kids it will obviously be different. I just got to see a "sneak preview" and it was glorious. 

Saying "See ya later" to all the Aunties was extremely hard. They were my friends, sisters and mothers. They showed and taught me so many things. From not freaking out over a baby being constipated, to how to really love and show love to those sweet babies. The Aunties were the most genuine ladies I've ever met. They prayed over me, encouraged me, taught me tough things and made me laugh so hard I might have cracked a rib. I will always have a special place in my heart for each and every one of the Aunties at the Door of Hope. 

Door of Hope changed my life. I will be eternally grateful for my time spent there. 

Potty Training…

I'm sure it's the dreaded two words of any parent. Here, we have quite a few toddlers who are at the age to be potty trained. Yesterday, there were three aunties who were working in toddlers so it was the day to start the journey to wringing the pot and praising the wringer. Here is how it all began.

I woke up yesterday morning with hearing Auntie Mary saying over and over and over like a broken record, "You must wee wee in the potty, you must caca in the potty." So, being curious, I made some cereal and walked outside. I saw little heads peeking out over the bushes with the look of puppies in the pet shop windows. I walked up the stairs to see the most hysterical site. SIX, toddlers all sitting on tiny little potties outside on the patio. Lined up like dominos and with the faces of Droopy. I pulled up a chair, sat in front of them eating my cereal and laughed. 

Since there are only five potties for the toddlers to sit in, one of our sweet little angels had to sit in a toy truck. I'm sure that toy had seen its days of dumping dirt and other objects, now to be demoted to being dumped in. They sat outside almost all day. They ate their lunch and dinner on the potty. They drank their milk on the potty. They had their snack on the potty. When they did wee wee on the plastic bowl type thrones, the aunties made a big deal about it and rewarded them. The rewards were a sticker or a cookie. Honestly, I would have rewarded them with prunes because by this time there was no cacaing yet. 

After a long time sitting on the kiddie jons, the aunties decided they might need time to play outside. I'm glad they came to that conclusion. The toddlers had begun to have permanent rings indented into their bums. One of the more mischievous toddlers was very excited to get off the potty. He jumped up, ran to get his pants on and walked down the stairs into his temporary freedom. As soon as he reached the grass, he peed in his pants. I have never laughed so hard. He was the one who had been sitting there since breakfast, and it was lunch time and he peed after 10 seconds of coming off the potty. 

I wanted to count how many times I heard Auntie Mary say"You must wee wee in the potty you must poo poo in the potty. You must NOT wee wee in your pants, you must NOT caca in your pants." I decided there isn't a number high enough. SO…look out toilets and unused nappies because these toddlers mean business. Well, almost. 

Reminiscing…

Working FUGE camps for 3 years, I've learned a few things. One, you need to remember the things that happen and two you need to remember the things people say. Usually it's hilarious. So at camp we have a Say What and a Remember When poster. I came up with the idea to do the same thing here while in South Africa because let me tell you, some hilarious things happen when you are around kids. So here is some insight to funny things that have happened since I've been here. 

SAY WHAT!?

The toddlers, after every prayer we sing for their eating times, say as loud as they can AMEN. They don't worry about singing the prayer. They only thing they worry about is saying AMEN! And they don't just say it, they shout it. (I'm totally doing this from now on).

We were marrying off the babies to each other one day. Just saying who would grow up and get married to the other. An Auntie informed me that sick babies have to grow up and marry sick babies. (What in the world?)

Also, we all come up with occupations the babies will have when they grow up. We have several pastors and deacons. A few pastors wives, a rugby player, a game warden, a few dancers, singers, comedian, teachers and a stay at home mom. These kids futures are so bright it hurts our eyes!

In toddles, we have Bible story time and if the Bible story is longer than one page the Auntie just says "Ok, Bible Story time is OVER." Seriously? The kids just thinks Daniel stayed in the lions den. They have to know what happens next!

Auntie phrases are:

 "You know what they call?"

"Eh, Eh, Eh, Eh, Eh,"

"What, What, What, What"

"You, You, You, You"

"That boy."

"Yes, Love"

(These are just a few I could remember.)

When you ask the toddlers what color something is they always say purple. (No idea why, I'm pretty sure we took purple completely out of the colors we teach them only because they think everything is purple. Maybe we should get their eyes checked or stop letting them watch Barney.)

When we say "Knock, knock, knock" all the toddlers run to the door and knock on it. Then we have to start singing "Show Them". That means they have to dance. What a joy it is to see a two year old boggie down better than someone my age. Some serious bootie dancing happens. 

REMEMBER WHEN!?

It rained all day and that night we decided to walk to the Glen to watch a movie. As we were walking to the movies I said to the girls "Guys, be careful it's really slippery here." As soon as they came out of my mouth I did a split in the middle of the food court. Good grief.

Unmatched socks around here are the norm.

If we hear a baby cry, we all try to figure out who it is. (Usually we're right. It's a really weird game.)

I've broken a few things since I've been here…like the TV, a few dishes and the washing machine. (Seriously Amanda! Pull yourself together.)

One of the Aunties left the tub running one day and flooded the down stairs. (Real life people, real life.) (Try mopping up a flood…ain't gonna happen.)

One night we thought it would be a good idea to walk in the pouring rain to the Glen to see a movie. (Horrible idea) (Rain bullets to the face isn't pleasant and not worth any movie in my opinion) 

When two of the volunteers wanted to go bungee jumping from the Orlando Towers in Soweto, I was like, "Yeah that sounds fun, lets go". So we went, and paid to ride the lift up the side of the tower. I knew I was scared of heights, I just didn't know how bad. I basically crawled into a ball, on the floor and rocked back and forth having a legit panic attack. I might have cried a little too and also asked how long we had to stay up there…every couple of seconds. (I was never more happy to see the ground in my life)

I've gotten kissed by an elephant. (Well, that's a kiss I won't forget. He was 17.)

In Africa, all you can do is question your life. 

I've seen too many turds floating in a tub to last me a lifetime. 

Our pool is currently un-swimable (I totally just made up that word.) (The bold red line underneath is telling me so.) Seriously, looking at it I feel as if I'm catching a disease. So….we volunteers took it upon ourselves to break out the kiddie pools when its really hot and just sit in them. We get a kiddie pool to ourselves so it's pretty nice.

We made friends with the KFC delivery guy. (This is just sad.)

I've never been peed on, puked on, sneezed on, coughed on or yes, even pooped on more in my life. It's just the norm and you learn how strong you really are. 

I noticed a few days ago I've got grey highlights in my hair. 

One of our babies imitates a native bird here so well. I'm pretty sure she has heard the bird from outside her window and now she makes the sound all the time. It's quite hilarious actually. (YouTube Hadidas.)

Playing Phase 10 with 8 people is pointless. 

You can NEVER watch too many episodes of Friends. 

These are only a few of the hilarious things that have happened since I've been here. Yes, they are probably one of those "You had to be there kind of moments" but I just wanted to share them with you anyway. 

Leaving...

I have 14 days left at Door of Hope. FOURTEEN people. My mind is racing at night so I am not sleeping well. I try to spend as much time as I can with the babies and toddlers, working and on my days off. It's really starting to hit me I will be leaving soon. I'm freaking out. Soon always comes too early. I've been praying that the Lord would allow this transition to be as painless as possible. Of course I am ready to get a big bear hug from my Daddy, a hug and kiss on the cheek from my Momma, a jump in the arms and squeeze around the neck from my little sister, an awkward side hug from my brother and a sweet embrace from my Nanny. I am looking forward to all of the things of going home and being with my wonderful family and supportive friends. That doesn't make it less hard to leave. It does give me something to look forward to. Bitter sweet is a term most people use to describe this feeling. I wouldn't describe it like that. Honestly, I don't know how I would describe it. 

Five months ago I came here not knowing exactly what the Lord wanted to show or teach me. Oh, how He loves His people and loves them enough to show them that love everyday. He has shown me, not only through the people in South Africa but also through people at home. People who are praying for me everyday and giving me words of encouragement. People who have financially supported me and what the Lord is doing here. I've been so humbled and blessed to see the Lord's children give back the love He has given them through all of these things. Thank you guys.

I'm having a hard time these last couple of weeks to deal with the heartbreak that happens every time I think of leaving. I know the Lord has had me here for this time and I know my time in South Africa is done for now, it's still not easy to say goodbye. Is it ever easy? I have experienced at least 10 or more adoptions since I have arrived. Those were easy goodbyes. I was able to kiss them on the head and watch them leave to go and meet their forever families. Having seen those beautiful babies leave and know they have gone to great homes has given me a picture of adoption. I know that every child here will receive the same forever families as the children in the past have. 

I ask of you sweet brothers and sisters of Christ to pray that I am able to leave this place with feelings of joy, peace and contentment. I don't want to be upset or brokenhearted when I leave. I want to leave with the fulfillment of knowing Jesus used me in the time He needed me here and going home He has new adventures ahead. I could not have done this journey without you or Him.