Reality...

So something struck me a few nights ago. Hard. After we dropped off an international volunteer at the airport we drove a ways out of JoBurg into an area I had not yet been. Cory, our volunteer coordinator's husband, said he wanted us to see some squatter camps. I had seen some before from a distance but as we drove up to them my heart sank. Tears started rolling down my face as I looked poverty straight in the eyes. I began to ask Jesus what in the world must we do about this? What can we do? I literally panicked in my Spirit. I have seen poverty at its worst and this made that look like middle class.

Spread out over a large area was small, metal, square shelters that are patched together. There is no electricity, no running water, nothing that looks different. Everything looks the same. The ground was muddy with water and sewage. There is no bathrooms. Some of these people are immigrants and some of them are unemployed South Africans. As we drove by and I could feel my heart breaking for these people. All I thought was they have to know there is hope in Jesus.

As we drove by, I did see shelters and filth, but I also saw people. Hearts. I saw mothers who struggle with providing necessities for their families to survive. I saw fathers who felt like failures from not being able to provide for their families. I thought about how difficult it must be to be different as an individual in an area where everything looks the same. I'm sure if someone stands out, others might become jealous/envious and steal what the other has. I thought about how hard it might be to be hopeful in anything.

Cory told us that the worst things go on in the squatter camps. Things like human trafficking, rape, drugs, abuse and anything else the enemy could perverse someone into doing.

I got the worst feeling in my Spirit as I looked out over that vast area of darkness and asked the Lord to not let that feeling disappear. I want to be aware of places in need. I don't want to become so wrapped up in my own life that I forget the needs of others around me. My heart is still broken from the sight of those squatter camps. I wish I was able to take a picture so I could have a reminder of how desperate our world is for Jesus. Even though this burden isn't fun to have, I don't want it to go away. As soon as it does I become selfish again and fixated on my own life and small problems. I want to constantly remember those squatter camps and pray for the people in them.

I thought of the song by All Sons and Daughters "All the Poor and Powerless" as we were driving by. Take time to read these lyrics and pray over these people who live in the squatter camps. They need hope and to know that hope comes from Jesus.

"All the Poor and Powerless" By: All Sons and Daughters

All the poor and powerless

All the lost and lonely

All the thieves will come confess

And know that You are Holy

And know that You are Holy

And all will sing out hallelujah

And we will cry out hallelujah

And all will sing out hallelujah 

And we will cry out hallelujah

All the hearts who are content

And all who feel unworthy

All that hurt with nothing left

Will know that You are Holy

Will know that You are Holy

And all will sing out hallelujah

And we will cry out hallelujah

And all will sing out hallelujah 

And we will cry out hallelujah

Shout it

Go on and scream it from the mountains

Go on and tell it to the masses

That He is God

And we will sing out hallelujah

And we will cry out hallelujah

And we will sing out hallelujah

Heaven on Earth…

I'm sure I'm not the only one who thinks about Heaven. I mean, we should think about it. It's where we, as believers of Jesus Christ, will end up spending eternity. In other words think of the kid from The Sandlot (his name is Squints) F-O-R-E-V-E-R! (And I know you totally just said it in the same voice he does.) Today I got a glimpse of Heaven. Of course our finite minds can not comprehend the wonders and glorious things we will encounter there. All we can do is imagine. 

I believe Berea Baptist Mission Church is a small glimpse of how Heaven will be. Located on a super dangerous street beside other cults and evils, is nestled this church that shines Jesus' light so brightly. As we turned down the street today, I felt my Spirit become uneasy. You know how when you are around evil and your Spirit gets restless inside you and it's not a good feeling. That's how I felt just turning down the street heading to church. As soon as we pulled into the church I felt that feeling go away immediately. I felt such a peace and joy. I felt Jesus. 

We were early so we sat and I smiled and said Hi to a few people who were there early as well. They start on time regardless of how many people are there. People come in as they please and during worship no one misses a beat. No one is distracted. We worshipped for a solid hour. I can't even tell you how many songs we sang. There was so much JOY, EXCITEMENT, GENUINENESS, HEARTFELT WORSHIP. 

I have experienced the same worshipping before. It was exactly two years ago in the exact place. Berea Baptist Mission Church. People are so free. There is no judgement. You worship however you want. Little kids go to the front and dance if they want to. People clap, people dance, people, sing to the top of their voices, people raise their hands, people shout, people worship their Savior like I imagine we will one day soon. 

I wish I could just uproot all the people and the actual church in Hillbrow and bring them home with me so I can experience that every Sunday. My heart is so full and I am so blessed to be apart of God's house today at Berea Baptist Mission Church. It will always be forever locked in my most treasured memories. 

Thanksgiving…

So it's that time of year. The time where we give thanks for all that we have. Even though we should be doing it everyday. It's still nice to have one day designated for giving thanks and celebrate by being with family and friends. 

I am extremely thankful for the people who funded me coming here to South Africa. I knew after the first moment I arrived here on December 28, 2011 that I would be back for a longer period. I just didn't know when that would be, Jesus did. 

I want to say thank you for the people who are praying for me. I know that I am being prayed for because at times when I feel I can't go on, Jesus gives me the push I need to persevere. I know that's from people praying. It's been a humbling experience for me. Knowing the supporters I have back home cheering me on and giving the praise to God. Thank you. You know who you are.

I want to say thank you to my best friend and partner in crime, Krista Miller. You pushed me in the times where I wanted to give up and throw in the towel. Everyone needs a friend like you. Someone who prays fervently and passionately for them, a person who you can be yourself around and there is no judgement, a friend who you can talk to about anything and know that they will always be there for you. I know without you, I would not be here. Thank you for being the best friend Jesus intended for me. 

I want to give a special thanks to my beautiful parents. Momma and Daddy, if you had not been the most supportive, caring, loving, Jesus pointing parents, I would not be here where Jesus wants me. Growing up I knew my family was different. I knew I had two of the greatest parents I could have asked for. I just didn't thank the Lord enough because I took it for granted. Yes, I still do take it for granted (but not as much). Thanks Momma and Daddy for bringing me up in church so I could know Jesus at an early age. Thank you for making me feel prized, special, cherished and upheld in a way that I strive everyday to remain in. Most importantly thank you for your love. I know without a doubt that I have always been loved by the both of you. 

In saying all of this, take time to thank the Lord for all of His blessings. Thank Him for His death, burial and resurrection.  Thank Him for the sun, moon, stars, things in nature, your family, friends and finances. He deserves our thanks.  

Two Names…

Before we are born our parents think long and hard about what we are to be named. They might fuss about one or two names but finally come to an agreement on the name they think is perfect for the special little child they will have soon. 

The Door of Hope allows long term volunteers to name the babies that come to us without a name. Since I am considered a long term volunteer, I figured I would be able to give a name to a precious little one when my time came. 

I have a weird obsession with names. I've always enjoyed knowing the meanings of names. Example my name means worthy of love. BOOM. It was a very big deal in Jesus' time to have meaning in the names someone would choose for their baby. I also think it's very important. I have had a boy and girl name picked out for a while so I could be prepared to name a baby.

Today was the day. I was actually sending my mom a voice message on Voxer when Nadene, our baby house manager, came to my room and said she had a baby for me to name. I was so excited. When I got there and told her the name I wanted to give him (which is two names) she said he already had a middle name and so having three names and his last name would be too much. So I gave him the name that fit best with his middle name.

There was another baby boy who needed a name as well and since I was not able to name the first baby the double name I wanted to give him, Nadene gave him the second name I wanted to give the first baby. 

I got to name two precious baby boys. Talk about a highlight in my time here. Names are very important to me as well as their meanings. These names and meanings are perfect for these sweet babies that the Lord rescued. I'm so blessed that I was able to name these two angels. 

*For the safety of the baby I cannot tell you their names. Just that I got to name them. That's exciting in itself! 

Swaziland…

Remember when I told you guys I was going on a "new adventure"? Yeah, well that is the half of it. I've known for a while that the Lord was not done with me here. I prayed a lot about how I was going to be able to stay longer. I asked for His knowledge in this. I also asked for others to help me pray for discernment and guidance in how to make this happen. I knew to stay longer, I would have to cross the South African border and come back into South Africa to get my passport renewed for three more months. The problem was, who was going to take me? I did not have enough money for a plane ticket and I also did not know of anyone who could pick me up and I could stay with. I wanted to be safe about it. (Jesus did give me common sense.) 

Our volunteer coordinator prayed over the situation one morning and the Lord gave her a word from Titus. She knew she needed to help me so she prayed over who might could take me. The Lord brought to her mind a woman. So she called her and the lady said she would be glad to take me and another volunteer. 

So Friday afternoon we were taken to her office and waited for her to finish a meeting. She joked about Hannah and I helping her drive. (Her joke was actually serious.) We drove to the Petrol station and fueled up the car to make the 5 hour trek to Swaziland. I prayed before we left because after I realized she was serious about Hannah and I driving, I knew I needed to. We both explained that even though we knew how to drive, we did not know how to drive manuel. Also, we drive on the opposite side of the road on the opposite side of the car. There was NO way Hannah or I were driving. Oh yeah, and fun/important fact we don't have our international drivers license. 

So after I prayed we drove off into traffic. Poor lady was freaking out the whole time. Picture the worst driver you know and a 15 year old that is just learning and triple that. That's what was driving Hannah and I. I have never in my life been more stressed, worried, overwhelmed in my life. My organs felt like they were in knots and I was gripping the handle so hard I felt like the Hulk and I totally should have broken through it. After lots of near death experiences and a couple of police officers, we finally made it to the border. 

Her brother was meeting us there and I asked if he could drive the rest of the way. At that point I was just wanting my safety, I didn't care how rude I might have come across. So her brother drove Hannah and I to his house and his wife and the lady rode in their car. I felt so safe because he knew how to drive. Praise the Lord for good drivers. We went to the petrol station to fuel up for the two and a half hour drive to their mother's house, which was our destination. When we got to the petrol station and fueled up the car shut down in the middle of the road. The car would turn on but not go anywhere. It's super dark outside and around 10:00 at night. They call a mechanic and he comes. Drunk. Hannah and I are in the car and all I knew to do is read scripture. In that moment all I could do is read scripture. Jesus gives me the scripture in Matthew where He calms the storm. Oh, there was a storm there alright and Hannah and I were right in the middle of it. 

We pray. Over the car and over each other. For the car to get fixed and for safety because to be honest I did not feel safe at all. Two white girls just sitting outside on the ground waiting for a car to get fixed. Yeah, we stuck out big time. I've never wanted to be black so bad in my life. 

The mechanic decided he could not work on it that night (duh, you're drunk) and said he would work on it in the next morning. Well, the first thing that's thrown at Hannah and I was we would have to sleep in the car because she did not want to leave it in Sketchville Central. (Which is understandable, but my life or the car….hum, I'm going to go with my life.) So then there is a brilliant plan to tie the cars up and pull them to the brother's house. I would not even call it a rope. It was a string. It broke twice on the way to the house. Thank the Lord Hannah and I got in the working car. The second time it broke, Hannah and I were left in the middle of the road, pitch black dark outside with the window rolled down and the doors unlocked. This was my breaking point. I not only were we sleep deprived, I was scared for mine and Hannah's life at this point. 

The brother came back to get the car and drove to his house. Hannah and I were super tired and worn slap out from every negative emotion known to man. We walked into a room that only had a kitchen a bed and a small bathroom. It was a one room house. First thought that went through my head "Lord, I hope all 5 of us aren't sleeping on that bed." The brother and his wife slept in the car and Hannah, the lady and myself slept in the bed horizontally. Feet hanging off and everything. (Like a middle school sleep over at your friends house, but not as fun.) 

We woke up around 5:00 in the morning and the mechanic did not get there until 9:00. He said the problem was the gear box and needed to get the parts to fix it. So Hannah and I stayed at the house for a few hours until the lady and her brother wanted to go see some of their friends in a village near by. They asked if we wanted to come and we said sure. On the way there, Hannah and I saw some amazing mountains. The most amazing mountains I've ever seen. It was incredible. Jesus whispered in my ear "I made those." I started crying just looking at how beautiful the Lord's creation is. He reminded me that if He was powerful enough to make those mountains move, He was powerful enough to deliver us from the chaos we were in. 

We got to the village and we saw lots of people and chickens. We waited in the car because we did not know how long we might be there. Also, we wouldn't know what was going on because they would have been speaking another language. Hannah started talking about how homesick she was and I realized how homesick I was. We just wanted to go home (America) home in that moment. We were still scared and in shock of everything we had been through the last 24 hours. 

When we got back to the house the mechanics were working on the car. Everything was looking promising. The car would be fixed soon, we would drive to their mom's house and Hannah and I would be coming back to JoBurg the next morning. The more I thought about it the more I realized how much I wanted to be back in JoBurg right then. So with LOTS of courage and the Holy Spirit leading me I asked the lady where the nearest airport was so we could get a flight back to JoBurg. She said 30 minutes and her brother could take us. So when we got to the airport, it was closed but we were told that there was a flight heading out in the morning. So Hannah and I decided to stay the night in a lodge nearby so we could catch the earliest flight out. 

Hannah and I booked our flight that night with a debit card. We did not receive a confirmation email though. So we just prayed over it and said we would worry about it in the morning. I got so much sleep that night thank the Lord. We woke up in the morning and had breakfast. We were told we had a transport that would take us to the airport. The transport was an old rickety truck that only seated two people. The guy said he would take one of us and the luggage and come back to get the other. I said "No, you take both of us or we are walking" as I climbed into the back of the truck. So he took us and when we arrived at the airport we were told there weren't tickets available in our names. We would have to go to the nearest ATM to withdrawal cash and we would have to leave on the 11:00am flight instead of the 8:00am. At this point I didn't care as long as I knew we would be leaving soon. The lady said the ATM was not within walking distance.

Hannah and I walked outside and I prayed "Ok, Lord who can take us?" Jesus showed me a man who was dressed nice and talking to an elderly woman. I asked him where I could find a taxi or anyone to take us to the nearest ATM. He said he would take us. So Hannah and I got into this janky (yes that's a word in my vocabulary) taxi (which is really a van) and took us to the nearest ATM. We were able to withdraw money and come back to get our plane ticket for the 11:00am flight. 

We flew back to JoBurg and guess what? I got a stamp on my passport that says I can stay for three more months. The whole reason I went to Swaziland to begin with. 

I tell ALL of this to show how Sovereign God is. How faithful He is. How He protected Hannah and I through the darkest situations. I asked myself and Hannah numerous times throughout the weekend "What is God trying to teach us? What is He showing us?" In the middle of the trials I could not see how He was at work. During the darkness, I could not see the Light. I was so blinded by my faithless heart, worry and anxiety that I could not see He was there all along. Now, looking back, even though I would NEVER want to go through that again, I'm glad I did. I witness miracles, I experienced deliverance, I became strong when I needed to be and I cried out to Him more than ever. Jesus, allowed all of that to happen so that Hannah and I could see and share how good He is. Yes, it is a horrible physical experience I will never forget but also the best spiritual experience I will never forget. I learned that when I am in darkness, He is still Light and He is in me so I am never without it. 

New Beginnings…

A few weeks ago we received a young lady from China to volunteer at the Door of Hope. She came only knowing some things about Christianity. Usually you have to be a Christian to volunteer long term. It's part of the application. On her application she said she did not know God in a personal way. The leadership of Door of Hope prayed over her application and knew her coming was part of God's plan. So they allowed her to come and let the Lord lead. 

She came to my room a couple of weeks ago asking lots of questions. I was secretly freaking out because I had been praying for her since I found out that she was not a believer. I knew God had a purpose for her being here and knew she would come to know Him personally before she left. I had NO doubt in this. I prayed when she came into my room out loud that He would be in the conversation as well as direct it. So we had great conversation and read scripture and prayed. When she left my room there was so much peace, joy and hope filling my heart and hers. She said she wanted to think about it and make sure about this major decision she knew she needed to make.

That's when I asked everyone to pray and pray hard. I wanted her to understand the importance in her decision, how she would be living a different life. How she would have to turn away from things and run to the Lord in everything. Everything. So with all of your prayers….

She came into my room tonight and said she wanted a relationship with God. I freaked out (in front of her) and started dancing. Yes, I danced and clapped my hands. In that moment I didn't know what else to do. She laughed (because she knows I'm a little crazy) and got excited as well. She said she left her dinner cooking and needed to go finish cooking it and eat and would be back soon to talk about everything. 

Jesus knew I needed those extra 15 minutes to prepare. I prayed, sang and did a little dancing. I asked for His wisdom, strength and words. Jesus was all up in here! She came back to find me tear stained and praising Jesus with All Sons and Daughters playing on iTunes. We read scripture, prayed and talked about life and Jesus. It was amazing. You and I have a new sister in Christ now (as of an hour ago). Jesus is SO STINKIN AMAZING and I can't stop praising Him. I told her to GO AND TELL THE WORLD! 

Thank You Jesus for this life You have given tonight and thank You for letting me be apart of it. 

New Adventures…

So today, my friends, I am traveling to Swaziland. I am going with a lady and another volunteer just for the weekend. When I first arrived in South Africa my passport was stamped for 90 days. I tried to figure out how I was going to stay until January. I prayed, others prayed to figure out the best way to make this happen. The option was to leave Johannesburg and go to another country within Africa, so when I pass over the border, I am able to renew my stay for 90 more days. My volunteer coordinator prayed about it one morning and the Lord gave her a message from the Word. She then remembered a friend of hers that was born and raised in Swaziland. She called her and she said she would be glad to take me. Jesus worked everything out in His time. I want to thank everyone for their prayers in and through this whole process. In my heart, I knew the Lord wasn't done with me here, I just didn't know how He was going to work everything out. 

Praising the Lord for answered prayers today. He is sovereign. He is good. May His name be glorified. 

Every Child Deserves a Home...

Go to this link and listen to this song. It is beautiful and has everything to do with Door of Hope Children's Mission.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oQjObgmNbmE

Here are the Lyrics to the song

Every Child Deserves a Home - By Newsong

To be remembered on your birthday
Feel a father’s kiss goodnight
To have a mother wrap her arms around you
And say it’s gonna be alright

These are the things we take for granted
That every child should know and love
It’s simply heaven’s way of telling them
They are precious in this world
Precious in this world

Every child deserves a home
Every child deserves to hear the words, “You are not alone.”
Every life on earth is sacred
Every heart is heaven’s own
Every child deserves a home
Deserves a home

They are out there by the millions
Hurting children without hope
Little boys and girls who need a family
That they can call their own

Now it’s up to us to help them
We can’t just close our eyes
Jesus loves the little children
And His arms are open wide
They are open wide

Every child deserves a home
Every child deserves to hear the words, “You are not alone.”
Every life on earth is sacred
Every heart is heaven’s own
Every child deserves a home

There’s something in their faces that tells us their story
There’s something in their cry that keeps calling out, “Don’t forget about me.”
Red and yellow, black and white
They are precious in His sight
Jesus died for all the children of the world

Every child deserves a home
Every child deserves to hear the words, “You are not alone.”
Every life on earth is sacred

Change…

So this week I had to do something difficult that I haven't had to do since I've been here. I have been working in small babies since I am a long term volunteer. I've loved it so much. I've loved the aunties and the babies. 

Especially one little boy. Since I can not say his name I will call him baby B. He has captured my heart with a lasso and tugs at it quite often. I love his smile, expressions, our exercise time, even his cry. Everything about this sweet little 5 month old baby boy, I love. In small babies, when a baby is 4 months old they are moved up to big babies. Well, this week was the week. Baby B got moved up to big babies. I was so upset. I was the one who fed him, made sure his nappie (diaper) was always clean, I made sure he alway smelled good, I brush his hair and do exercises with him. I sing to him and dance to ridiculous songs while he blankly stares at me. I gathered his belonging (which isn't much, just a stuffed animal, his medical paper work and his chart) and I took the long walk down the hallway to the land of bigger babies, louder noises, and a different atmosphere. I walked in the living room and just sat down with him. I gave him a "talking to" and gave him to an auntie and walked away. I know he is still in the same house and I will visit him very often in big babies but small babies will not be the same without him. This sweet little guy has just touched my heart and I will miss him in small babies. 

God was showing me though this that change can be good. With baby B moving up he will be able to learn to sit, hold a rattle (which he already does because I taught him), play with the other babies, hold his own bottle, walk and eventually talk. There is more good in the change than there is bad. Jesus, calls us to be flexible. He calls us to be open to change. 

Step away from the baby, Mister…

So today I was asked to go with two other aunties to the clinic. We had to take six babies. Yes, you did the math right. Three aunties and six babies means we had two babies a piece in the strollers. No we don't have two seated strollers either. We strap those babies in so tight that if someone took them they wouldn't know how to get them out of there. I had trouble myself. 

So the aunties laugh at me a lot around here. I'm sure they all think in the back of their heads "she's one crazy American." I left both of the aunties and told them they were walking too slow for me. They just yelled the directions to the clinic behind me. We passed by a primary school and its always so sweet to see all the boys and girls playing outside. It's also hilarious because as I was walking by today I saw a fight and a boy and girl kissing under the bleachers. (the things that I see…geez.) Plus as we were walking I saw the prettiest bird I've ever seen. Seriously, I know it's weird I'm talking about a bird but the thing was an iridescent color blue. Beautiful. 

So when we arrived at the clinic I sat with auntie Gladys as auntie Sarah went inside and waited in the cue. (remember my past blog about the waiting in the cue. It's like musical chairs without the music and without the fun.) So Sarah sat in line and we waited outside. There were movers there moving all the filling cabinets and desks and everything out. No idea why and no idea why they had to do it during the busiest part of the day. 

So finally I take two babies inside and Sarah takes two babies as well. We go in and I'm holding baby boy. This random man walks in the room and asks the doctor and nurse if they go to church and if they know Jesus. No one says anything and just looks at him like he is crazy. (I'm pretty sure he is by what I'm about to tell you next.) He sees the baby I am holding and starts talking to him. I kind of pull baby boy closer to me and back up. Then the man asks baby boy (like he can talk he is six weeks old) if he wants to see his bird. I'm like oh, goodness what in the world is about to happen. The man reaches up his shirt sleeve a pulls out A STINKIN BIRD! SERIOUSLY! This isn't like a cute bird from the pet store either. It's a brown ugly bird that looks like he had been up that mans sleeve for too long. I just pulled baby boy in closer thinking how am I going to explain baby boy leaving the clinic and come back with some kind of disease from a nasty bird. I still cannot believe that actually happened. 

I had to sit there and hold four babies one by one as they each got 3 shots to the thigh. WHY ME!!?? That's what I was asking. Every time I would say it's ok, it's not going to be that bad, it's only 3 shots, it won't be long. The nurse said "Yes, baby that's right it will be fine." I told that nurse "I'm not talking to the baby, I'm talking to myself! You think it's easy for me to sit and watch you poke a needle in this baby's thigh three times. That needle is so long I'm scared you're going to poke me with it as well." So after I had to endure 12 shots I was worn out. I'm pretty sure I was tensing up the whole time. 

We walked back to the baby house and the aunties asked if I was trying to go to the gym because I was walking so fast. Hey, might as well get your exercise while out and about pushing two babies in a stroller. So today was pretty hilarious to say the least. You never know what's going to happen when you go to the clinic. 

Adoption…

A couple of weeks ago one of my favorite little girls got adopted. I was off, so I was able to go and see her before she left. They dressed her in a beautiful polka dot dress with white shoes and a headband. She looked as if she was going to church in her Easter dress. She was gorgeous. I couldn't help but think how lucky these parents are that will be welcoming her into their family. This little one has been on of my favorites since I first arrived. I've seen her progress in so many ways. She is so clever. She loves books, enjoys people, smiles, makes faces at you, tries to repeat what you say (it sounds like it but no words just baby talk) and rarely cries. She took her first steps here a few days before she left. It's such a blessing to me to be apart of her life for just a short amount of time. Her parents will be so blessed to have her. I am so excited for this little one and the life she is about to encounter. 

I know these Door of Hope babies are making such an impact in the communities they live in. They are changing the world for Christ and they cannot speak. Where they go I know the Lord will use them to bring people to Himself. I know without a doubt these children are used by God to further His kingdom. I am so blessed to be apart of their lives. Even though it's only for a short amount of time. 

What is God Teaching Me?

Sometimes when I am going through a hard time, all I can do is ask Him, "Lord, what are You trying to teach me?" 

I want to thank everyone for your encouragement, support and prayers. Before I came to South Africa, I was lead to believe I was going to receive extra funds, unfortunately due to circumstances beyond my control that isn't possible. However my desire to stay hasn't changed. So now I am humbly asking you to pray for me and my stay here. I know the Lord has me here and I know that He is peace in the midst of confusion. I am only trusting in Him through this because I know He is sovereign and in control of all of it. At this time all I see is what's right in front of my face. God sees the BIG picture. He knows what's coming. 

If you would like to give, my fundraising website is https://www.youcaring.com/mission-trip-fundraiser/amanda-is-going-to-africa/74125 and all you have to click on is Give Now. It will take you to PayPal and you pay that way. You do not need a PayPal account to pay. 

Thanks again for your prayers and support. It's the reason I was able to come here.

Convictions...

Convictions…

I'm not the best scripture quoter, I don't know all the stories in the Bible, I would probably fail if an atheist tried to debate me. Why is this? Why do I not memorize scripture? Why do I not know more about the Bible? Why would I not win a debate with an atheist. Why do I not have my priorities right?

Last Sunday I went to Riverside Community Church. I love it there. I don't know anyone other than the people who take me. Everyone says hello but don't really talk to me. I feel very forgotten, yet I still love going there. It's has a home like feel. It feels as if I belong there despite no one really talking to me or getting to know me. I thought about it and that's how I treat the Lord. I know I am loved yet I don't take time to get to know my Lover. I know He wants to know about my day (even though He already knows) yet I only talk to Him when I want to. He desires and deserves so much more than that. Being here I have realized how much time I have. 

On my days off I literally have all day long. To do whatever here at the house. Sometimes I set my hammock up and rest. Sometimes I take naps and watch movies. Sometimes I walk to the Glen to get groceries and sometimes I do my bible study and spend time with the Lord. Back in America I feel like I never have time to do anything. I am running around doing things just to stay busy. I can't just stay at home, I have to go here or there and do whatever. Since I've been here I have had so much time to hangout with the Lord. Actually open His Word and spend time with HIm. I've gotten to know Him so much more in the 6 weeks I've been here. He becomes more real to me everyday. I see His beauty in the basket weaving birds hanging on the tree limbs outside (real life, they really weave basket looking nests). I feel Him in this wonderful weather. I see Him when I look in the faces of these sweet babies I get to love on everyday. He is everywhere. He is everywhere I go because He is in me. 

I'm so lazy sometimes just the thought of how lazy I am makes me sick. Why do I not open my Bible more? Why do I not memorize scripture? Why do I not want to know more about the One who created me. He only wants me to give Him my time. Why am I so selfish with my time? I only say these things because they are on my heart. I have to shape up and realize how blessed I am to even own a Bible. I should have it open all the time just reading and learning and growing everyday. Yet, I only do it when it's convenient to me. It's not about me. It's about the Lord. It's about giving Him everything. My time, my heart, my soul, my works, everything. It's time for me to stop making it about me. It's time for me to start making it about the Lord. About spending time with Him in His Word so that I can know scripture better. So I can know more stories in the Bible. After everything the Lord has ever done for me. Even dying on a cross. It's the least I can do is give Him what He desires and deserves. Me. All of me. All the time.     

God's Timing…

You hear about it a lot. How He waits until you basically have given up. Then BAM in your face Jesus says "Seriously, you think your timing is better?" (totally not what He says but that's how He talks to me) Well, I am actually going through that right now. Waiting on the Lord. We are all in some sort of waiting room all the time. Think about it. We are always requesting something from the Lord and then we have to wait. I always think of the song I remember hearing people sing in church. When He's Four Days Late. It talks about the story of Lazarus and how Jesus deliberately waited to come. 

John 11:32-37

32 When Mary reached the place where Jesus was and saw him, she fell at his feet and said, “Lord, if you had been here, my brother would not have died.”

33 When Jesus saw her weeping, and the Jews who had come along with her also weeping, he was deeply moved in spirit and troubled. 34 “Where have you laid him?” he asked.“Come and see, Lord,” they replied. 35 Jesus wept. 36 Then the Jews said, “See how he loved him!” 37 But some of them said, “Could not he who opened the eyes of the blind man have kept this man from dying?”

Really read this scripture. Let it saturate your mind. Mary was upset with Jesus because He didn't come when SHE thought He should have. I think Jesus wept because of the lack of faith in His friends. He cried because His friends did not have faith in Him. Faith in their Friend who they had seen/heard do so many miracles. Why on Earth did they do that? Why did they doubt that the Lord wasn't actually late, He was on time? 

I do this to Jesus all the time. I hate to admit it but I do it more than I would care to admit. Doubt His timing. I get so fixated on the problem I lose focus on the One who can fix the problem. I am Mary in this scripture. "Jesus, if You had been here I wouldn't have this problem." We focus so much on our problem and how it's not fixed when we want it that we forget how BIG our God is. He is able to do the impossible. He is able to do the immeasurable. He is able to raise people from the dead. He conquered the grave Himself. Why do we put earthly limitations on Jesus?

I am so guilty of doing this. 

He is bigger than any problem we could ever imagine. The cool part about the story is He shows up and …well just read what the Bible says

John 11:38-44

38 Jesus, once more deeply moved, came to the tomb. It was a cave with a stone laid across the entrance. 39 “Take away the stone,” he said. “But, Lord,” said Martha, the sister of the dead man, “by this time there is a bad odor, for he has been there four days.” 40 Then Jesus said, “Did I not tell you that if you believe, you will see the glory of God?” 41 So they took away the stone. Then Jesus looked up and said, “Father, I thank you that you have heard me. 42 I knew that you always hear me, but I said this for the benefit of the people standing here, that they may believe that you sent me.” 43 When he had said this, Jesus called in a loud voice, “Lazarus, come out!” 44 The dead man came out, his hands and feet wrapped with strips of linen, and a cloth around his face. Jesus said to them, “Take off the grave clothes and let him go.”

After all of that worrying about Jesus not showing up to heal Lazarus, then Lazarus dying, Jesus shows up and performs a miracle. 

In the waiting process that we all seem to be in most of the time, He is using that time to teach us something. He wants our faith to strengthen. He wants us to know that His timing is perfect. He wants us to know that when He is four days late, He is still on time. 

What the Lord is showing me…

I have learned new things and been re-taught old things since I have been here. Jesus shows me how much He loves me through these babies. He has rescued each and every child here and they are His children. In John 14:18 it says "I will not leave you as orphans; I will come to you." That verse jumps off the page to me and comes to life everyday. He has not abandoned these sweet babies. He has bigger and better plans for them than they could ever imagine. I believe that with all of my heart. Psalm 18:19 says "he rescued me because he delighted in me." Oh how He delights in His children. 

I also think about the moms who are in such a state of confusion, fear, anguish, weariness that they only have one alternative. Some moms may not have the financial resources to take care of themselves. Some may be scared to be a mom. Some may have been raped and don't want to deal with it for the rest of their lives. I am not saying I agree with these women, I am just trying to have a heart to understand where  these situations may be coming from. I look at these children who are all so beautiful and know the Lord has had His hand on them since they were born. They have come out of such darkness and yet the Lord invaded and now there is Light. 

I ask you to pray not only for the babies but also their moms. My best friend gave me a few cards to read while I stay here. One of the cards she gave me spoke volumes into my heart. So I am going to share a piece of it with you.

"Jesus is always pursuing us. Whatever mess the babies or mommys have been in or are in He wants them too. He wants to restore, renew and redeem them. To make their story a story of grace, not a story of bondage, mistakes or regret. It's hard to remember the mommys as you hold these faces but you are also holding part of them. Speak freedom over them. They need it." -Krista Miller

What a reminder to me as I pray over each and everyone of these babies the Lord has rescued. I ask that you pray the same. 

The Kiwis…

I don't know what it will be like when the New Zealand crew leave. I guess I will be finding out soon. I am not one to open up to people quickly. Yes, I may tell you whatever you want to know and yes I will be your friend super fast but I have a way of separating my heart and mind. I can let someone in without them actually touching my heart. 

These Kiwis made their home right in my heart. I have never met three people who all have different personalities and yet I adore each one of them individually. They have brought so much life and joy here at the baby house. I've enjoyed my time getting to know them very much. If this is how all the New Zealand folks are, well I might just move there. 

I plan to make a trip there to visit them soon. They are three people I will never forget and know I will see again! 

Volunteers will come and go but I will always remember the time I spent with the Kiwis. 

Elephant Sanctuary + Lion and Rhino Park….

Since we don't get out of the baby house much unless it is to go to the Glen, it was super exciting to know that a trip was in the works for us to go some where special. The date was set for Saturday the 7th of September and  the plan was made for us to go to the elephant sanctuary and the lion and rhino park. I was super excited about the elephant sanctuary because I have never seen an elephant before. I went to the lion and rhino park last time I was here but I never saw rhinos. So the night before I packed my lunch and book bag for the next days adventure. 

We left the house at 6:30am and headed out towards Hartbeespoort Dam. The first tour is at 8:00 and it took us about an hour to get there. It was so beautiful driving there because I got to see the country and the sun rise. When we got to the elephant sanctuary the tour guide told us some rules and a little about the elephants. All I remembered about his talk was that the elephant is only your friend if you have food. No food, no friend. Ok, gotcha. So the first thing we got to do was brush the elephant. The trainer stood with me the whole time and fed the elephant. So I think…ok that wasn't a joke. This huge guy isn't anyones friend unless they are feeding him. I was told that brushing him helps him because if it's not done then parasites make their home in the elephants wrinkles. Weird. You're welcome elephant. 

Next we walked up on a dock type platform and came down one by one to walk with the elephant. I was told to lightly hold the inside of his trunk in a cupping formation while walking fast with him behind me. So in a way I would be leading the elephant. I seriously laughed while walking around the pin because I felt like I was in a parade. So of course I got stupid and started smiling like it and hamming it up for the cameras. 

We walked through the woods to see the oldest elephant there and feed him. He was huge! Seriously I have never seen a living creature that large before in my life. I wasn't the first to volunteer to feed him. After we fed him we walked back into the woods to be met by two other elephants where we were told about them. Their skin, feet, tail, emotions…everything. I got a sloppy wet kiss (not the one David Crowder sings about) from the elephant. So now I can say my last kiss was from an elephant. Yes, and I will tell everyone that. 

It was really neat learning about one of God's creations. He made them super unique and brilliant. He made them with personalities and defenses. He made them large and quite. It's such a beautiful thing to see God's creation and encounter it as well. I must say that He did an amazing job with the elephant. It is by far the most amazing animal I've ever encountered. 

YouCaring.com

I don't know if everyone knows about my fundraising website. Here is the link to it if you feel lead to give. Thanks for your prayers and support!
Amanda is going to Africa | Mission Trip - YouCaring.com

Small babies…

So I have to say, working in small babies is the most emotionally draining for me. Why, because in small babies is where we receive the babies right away who have been abandoned. They go straight from the hospital to small babies. The stories I hear and the things I see are enough to make a hard hearted person cry. It's so so sad to hear how these sweet little angels have been abandoned. It seems like every story I hear it only gets worse. I would share some stories with you but I am not allowed and its for a good reason. I see these babies come here that are so small their heads are the size of my fist. Some of them are 6 weeks old and still so tiny because of neglect. My heart aches for them. Then the Lord whispers to me "My Child, I have rescued them, I have saved them, I have rescued you and I have saved you." Wow, Jesus. Thank You for that reminder. 

It's also challenging working in small babies. I just want everyone to know working here is no walk in the park. (I am totally being funny and serious at the same time). In small babies you learn what a dummie is super fast. In English or American it means pacifier. (In my language it means a savior of the ears) And man I can never find one when a little infant is screaming there nappies off. It has been an eye opener for me because I've never taken care of an infant so small. The first infant I cared for back at home was probably 2 months old. Some of the babies we have are 6 days old. The first time I had to change a few day old baby I was scared I might break him. Geez it was hard just changing him because he was so tiny. They only allow long term volunteers to work with the small babies. I was so excited the first day I worked because my favorite Auntie works in small babies. Auntie Veronica. She is a fiery pistol. She means business when its about the babies but  she can crack a joke on you super fast. She is such an example of Christ to me. She shows those babies tough love. A love that they need to see and experience. 

Starfish…

Have you guys ever heard of the story about the starfish? Let me enlighten you. 

A young girl was walking along a beach upon which thousands of starfish had been washed up during a terrible storm. When she came to each starfish, she would pick it up, and throw it back into the ocean. People watched her with amusement.

She had been doing this for some time when a man approached her and said, “Little girl, why are you doing this? Look at this beach! You can’t save all these starfish. You can’t begin to make a difference!”

The girl seemed crushed, suddenly deflated. But after a few moments, she bent down, picked up another starfish, and hurled it as far as she could into the ocean. Then she looked up at the man and replied,

“Well, I made a difference to that one!”

The reason I tell you that story is because that's why these toddlers are called starfish. Here at the Door of Hope it is overwhelming when we hear the statistics of babies that are being abandoned. But because of the Door of Hope they are making a difference even if it is just 30 babies. And it brings tear to my eyes to know the Lord is using me to be apart of this wonderful organization that is making a difference in the world. 

So I had my first day in Starfish. It was interesting to say the least. I was very worn out by the end of the day. I absolutely love ALL of these children here so much. So the toddlers are around 1 to 2 years old. Most of them can walk (so they are into EVERYTHING) and the others crawl (they are also into EVERYTHING.) Only a few can talk (so they repeat what you say). I learned a few things here that are different from working with big babies. 

1. Their nappies (diapers) smell atrocious and I want to change them asap. 

2. Don't leave the outside door open. (they escape. hello, they can walk.)

3. I say the word "no" more than I breathe.

4. I can never hug to much. (these sweet kiddos like their hugs)

5. These kids (unlike big babies) like their food…so I shovel it in as fast as I can or they will cry!

6. I can have 6 kids sitting on top of me at once. I don't know how they manage it but they do.

7. Outside time they find the smallest item in the world and naturally it goes in their mouth. (glad I know child CPR).

8. Sharing isn't an option. (if sharing does happen, a miracle from Jesus was just observed)

9. They. Are. Heavier. (geez, these kids can eat…so they weigh more. Obviously)

10. They are the ones who get adopted more often. So, since I have been here I have seen 4 toddlers leave and one go to another house. Now that will make you happy and sad all at the same time.

The toddlers are so much fun to work with because their personalities are very much present. They are already becoming their own little person. Some of them like to cuddle and some of them you have to attack and say "You are going to hug me whether you like it or not." (Ok, maybe that's just me because I'm a weirdo.) (They do love me even when I force love onto them). It's harder working with the toddlers. Mainly because it is way more physical work. None of them are potty trained. So lifting a heavy child to a changing table 8 times can definitely work my arms and back out. It is also so rewarding. They are the ones who like to fight over who sits in my lap or who gets to hold my hand. So the fight for love and attention is rampant and believe me I've got lots to go around. I distribute it as evenly as I can. At the end of the day I am exhausted and fulfilled all at the same time. I fill physically drained but emotionally and spiritually filled to the measure. It's a weird feeling, but I like it. 

You get in the car on the left side…

So I've had quite the adventures since I wrote last. Sunday I was able to go to church at RIverside Community Church and it was wonderful. I don't get to leave the home very often. Not because they have me hostage here but because we don't have a car. Luckily one of the local volunteers offered to drive myself and two other international volunteers to church. It was nice just to get out and see the city a bit while driving on the opposite side of the road. I will learn one of these days that I don't get in on the side of OUR passengers side. Geez laweez. I try to play it off like I am getting in the back seat but its really awkward when the car doesn't have a back seat door. 

Anyway, I really enjoyed church. It had great contemporary worship, like I am used to. They played familiar songs and some I've never heard. The message was amazing. The associate pastor (who is Cheryl, the Door of Hope's founder) son, really challenged me. He talked about Acts chapter 13-14 and how we should be sharing the Good News way more often than we do. Good grief, isn't that part of our Christian walk? Shouldn't we go and WANT to share the Good News on how the Lord changed our lives. We were lost and going straight to hell and Jesus saved us by taking on all the sins of the world, dying and rising again. Praise the Lord. We had communion and it was just the same as having it in the states. It was just a beautiful day and wonderful to be around other believers.

Off we go….

To the clinic. So on my days off I usually go to the Glen to get groceries. This week I had no need to go because I had enough groceries to hold me over until my next day off. We have been short handed a bit so I was asked if I could take one of the babies to the clinic for their check up. I said, of course I would! I went with one of our managers, Rosette, to take two precious babies to the clinic. We suited up. Walking shoes, breathable clothes, stroller, baby bag packed full of all the essentials. (Baby milk, nappies, dummies, toys, and anything else that might distract a child who screams in the Dr. office.) Rosette lead the way and we walked through neighborhoods and past an elementary school and then we were there. It was eye opening to say the least. We walked in and there are nothing but chairs lined up. Basically instead of standing in a line to wait your turn, you sit in a line. So it's like musical chairs without the music and without the excitement. When we basically sat in every chair in the place and I had gotten a workout from sitting and standing (seriously I started to squat and flex my core muscles, might as well make the best of it) we went in to see the Dr. She was a stout, round, beautiful, black lady. The one who would reek havoc on the precious little angel that I was holding. After she asked a few questions, Rosette sat down with one baby and gave her some drops of medicine. Then here it comes. The big one. 3 shots in the thighs. In those sweet, fat, round, chocolate colored thighs. Bless. Her. Heart. I was just thinking geez laweez that poor child. Then I thought, well better her than me. Right? Ugh. Shots are the worst. Then BAM these babies are slammed with 3. After baby girl got her shot, Rosette said she would wait outside for me and my baby. I was like wait, I have to hold him while he gets a tranquilizer dart in the thigh 3 times? Oh. My. Goodness. Is this real life? So I sat in the chair with this sweet, tiny baby boy whose thighs are half the size of my wrist. The Dr. asked me to hold his leg down and make sure he didn't move. Well, since I was stiff myself and freaking out all at the same time, she had to tell me again. I said ok, yes ma'am. I held his leg down thinking, I can't show him my face when we leave. He can't remember me as the one who held his leg down while Dr. Rough and Round shot him with 3 shots. I cringed every time. Poor little fellow I think it was harder for me to hold him and see it happen than it was for him to get the shot. Yeah, feel sorry for me. He just had the shot…I had to be the bad guy and hold his leg down plus watch. 

So the clinic was dramatizing as well as an adventure. On the way back, I sang a little bit to bring entertainment to Rosette and the guys who were working on the street and water lines. Lots of weird looks guys, lots of weird looks. So the moral of the story. Hire someone to take your kid to get shots.  

Today was super special…

I am here, loving on these children who have been abandoned. I am able to love them like Christ loves me and because He loves me, I am able to love them. I got to experience something most volunteers probably do not get to experience today. When I was here a year ago I was able to love on this sweet baby boy who stole my heart. He had the biggest dimples and had such a capturing smile. He got adopted a couple of days before I got here so I wasn't able to see him. I was so sad when I heard I missed him. Until today he came for a visit with his new family. It was so special for me to see because that is what I prayed and pray over all of these sweet angels. That the Lord would provide them with loving, Christian homes. I got to see one of the sweet babies I prayed over last year being held by his new family. Jesus gave me such a gift in that. I am crying thinking about it now. Please continue to pray for these sweet little angels. Jesus has a forever family for them. Hand picked and just for them to be loved and love. My heart is so full thinking about Jesus answering my prayer for that sweet baby. Thank you Jesus for providing that sweet angel with a forever family who will love him the way he should be loved. I'm so glad I am able to share this great story with you.